Overwhelmed.

Just a post about random thoughts and feelings........ Be warned...

With first wave leaving this week, and my time being halfway over, I have been reflecting about my experience so far. It has definitely been life changing. I have realized and experienced so much. I guess the biggest thing I have been overwhelmed with is how blessed I really am. And how much we as westerners take for granted. Of course realized before that I was blessed, but it intensifies and really hits home when you experience a different culture in a third world country. Before, my mother (as yours I am sure) used to tell me "Eat your food because there are starving children in Africa who would love to eat it." and I never really thought twice about it. But the other day I was on Skype with my brother and his kids who were eating lunch and he said "Landon, Jenny is with the starving kids in Africa who don't have food, you need to eat yours" I don't just think of Africa or Uganda as a random place far away with poor people anymore, I think of it as a part of my heart and I know those children and people who are so destitute. I have faces and names for them now, not just an idea of a distant land. I have realized just how much opportunity we have as Westerners that is taken for granted. Like education. It really is the key to success, but so many people do not have the funds to finish primary school (elementary) let alone secondary school (high school) and University is simply our of the question. Yet for me, as for many of you I am sure, education was something I literally never considered as an option. College, even was not optional in my mind. And even though I have to take out student loans and be a "starving student" and maybe live paycheck to paycheck at times, I STILL am getting a University education that will pay itself off someday. And I now realize how precious it is. Another thing that I believe that is taken for granted by Westerners overall ties in, but is opportunity for women. Some volunteers were teaching a family planning class to women in the Namatala slum. They taught about contraceptives and birth control. One of the questions they asked was about what to do if their husband refused to wear a condom, and would beat them if they refused to have sex.  The other women laughed and were joking about this. It broke my heart to hear this, and it was crazy that it really isn't ever an option for them to leave their husbands. This is really a problem all overthe world, but in America at least there are definitely resources for battered and abused women. I believe our culture would promote, sustain, and advocate for women to leave an abusive relationship. And there will be opportunity for a better life for them when they do. But really, abuse is a huge problem in this culture, and there are no resources, support, or empowerment of any sort for women to leave an abusive relationship. It is accepted as normal because they probably have never seen or know they have a right to a normal, healthy relationship. I believe these women literally believe there is nothing better for them.    And that breaks my heart. Ryan has a hard time "defending his gender" in this country as he puts it. At St. Stephens school in his classes with the boys, he gets asked several times a day how he can marry a muzungu. We all assumed that they asked because of the exotic appeal or they think that we have money. But one boy after class was asking Ryan about it and Ryan asked him why he would want a muzungu so bad, what it is about one that is so appealing. And he said "Muzungu women have such strong personalities and opinions" He asked him why he thinks that is, and the student said "because you let them" Ryan said "It's not about letting them, it's about having a culture that provides equal opportunities for them to be themselves" That took us all aback when he told us about it. It's true though, in my experience women are so limited in their opportunities that their personalities may be stifled from fully developing, and their potential as women is not realized because they literally know no different. That is hard to swallow. I believe that if women were given the opportunity to vote, work, and have an education that would help the economy and the society in general in so many aspects. How can a society function if only HALF of the population is allowed to vote, receive and education, and be a part of the work force? When I see such complicated and deep problems, it is hard to find the line between trying to help solve an issue, and accepting that it is so deeply engrained that it is impossible for one person to change. But I believe if you don't find that balance, you will have a hard time finding success in development work.

Anyway, this post was not meant to be a downer. It is just some observations and thoughts that I have had. I realize that development work is so complicated, and nobody has all of the right answers. I realize that no matter how much I want to, I cannot fix every problem I see.

I cannot do everything or I would not have come, but I am here because I can do something.